It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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