Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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