I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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