he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
