I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize