So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
