i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
