Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
