she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize