hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
