it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Thank you for not boning my boss.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize