I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
