we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
