We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
