in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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