My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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