i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
