I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
