So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
