I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize