oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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