i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
