I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
