8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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