Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
