the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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