HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
