he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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