So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
