one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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