He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
