I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
