i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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