you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
