was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
