your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
