Nicole vs. Life
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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