he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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