i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
