I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
