if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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