I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
