Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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