I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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