I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
