I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
