I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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