A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
