The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
