Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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