We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
