chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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