Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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