I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
