my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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