I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
