I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
