Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
