I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He passed out mid-signature
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
