farters have to be the big spoon...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize