Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
