Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i will never coherently bang her
We need to rekindle our bromance
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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