Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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