I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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