Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
