Cold hands, warm shart.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
