How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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