I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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