I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
